The Hair Conversation

When I began formal language study, one of the first things I asked my tutor was how to talk about my hair in Chinese. From day 1, people have been asking me about it, and I wanted to be able to describe it in a way they can understand. Everyone always asks the same questions, in the same order and reacts the same way. It turns out, even after I describe my hair, they still don’t fully get it, but I can’t blame them. If all I’d ever seen of black hair was cornrows on NBA players, I’d be pretty curious too.

Here is a pretty good translation of the hair conversation that I have at least once a week. Curious shopkeeper could be replaced by nosy neighbor, interested student or random person behind me on the bus.

Curious Shopkeeper: (after staring at my while ringing up my groceries) Is your hair real or fake? (Or, the more bold ones might ask, “Your hair is fake, right?”)
Me: It’s real.
CSK: Wow, really? I thought it was fake.
Me: No, it’s real.
CSK: Is it permed (to make it curly)?
Me: No, my hair is naturally very curly.
CSK: So when you were born, was your hair like that? You know, in strands like that?
Me: No, this kind of hair doesn’t grow down, it grows out. (Cue hand motions.) This is just a hairstyle.
CSK: So how do you make it like that?
Me: It’s a little like braids.
CSK: So do you go to a hair salon to do it?
Me: No, I do it myself.
CSK: You do it yourself? Wow! How do you wash it?
Me: The same as everyone else. When I wash it, it won’t come apart.
CSK: Wow, it doesn’t come apart? It’s so special! Can my hair do that?
Me: No, because your hair is straight, it wouldn’t look the same.
CSK: (overcome by curiosity) Can I touch it?
Me: (reluctantly, but thankful s/he at least asked first) Okay.
CSK: Wow it’s so hard! Your hair is so unique!
Me: Thanks. (Try to walk away with my purchased goods)